Cover for Fishing for a Spouse



After a life-time of fishing and sacking groceries, Ernie thinks there might be more to life, but needs his sidekick Earl for support. He talks him into joining him to enroll in the Radisson Area Technical College.
Earl sees school as a major disruption to fishing and especially after the analyst teacher, Mr. Brown, gives them a special project.
Can Ernie drag his buddy along to complete the project? Their continued enrollment and future beyond sacking groceries hinges in the balance.
How will Ernie energize Earl with his one-track mind—fishing?

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[su_spoiler title=”Read Chapter 1 of FISHING FOR A SPOUSE” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”first_chap_fishing” class=””]


“Hey, you guys.”
Ernie Oldstat and Earl Tomkin looked forward. Ernie stood alongside his desk. “Who me?”
Mr. Brown moved around the teacher’s desk. “Yes, you. Who else am I always shouting at? Are you talking about fishing again?”
Ernie nodded. “Fishing season opens this Saturday for game fish, the real fish. I was just asking Earl what time he wanted to go. That’s all, sir.”
“I’ve no idea why the two of you are attending the Radisson Area Technical College. Your homework’s always late, if done at all, and it looks like you did it while fishing. Can either of you give me one good reason why I shouldn’t drop you from this analytical class?”
Earl jumped up. “Well, if you did, me and Ernie would have more time to fish.”
“Earl, shut up. You know we need to pass this course to graduate and get good jobs.”
Mr. Brown walked halfway down the aisle. “Ernie, why are you talking about graduating? This is only your first semester.”
Earl raised his hands as if confused. “There’s more than one?”
Mr. Brown turned to Ernie. “You know there’s more than one semester, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir. And, sir, I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” He pointed. “Maybe if I moved to a desk over there, I wouldn’t be so temped to talk with my buddy.” He really didn’t want to move, but he had to pass the class.
“Good idea. Move. And by the way, I have an assignment for the two of you.”
Earl groaned.
“I want you to do an analysis on how to find a spouse. You have three weeks, or you’re both out of here. Understood?”
Earl gulped. “You mean I gotta talk to a woman?”
Ernie stared at Earl while the class erupted in laughter almost drowning out the bell.
Earl rushed to Ernie’s desk. “Look what you got us into now. We gotta talk to women. How are we going to pull that off? Women don’t know nutin ‘bout fishing.”
“What do ya mean? You’re as much to blame as me. Besides just think of the possibilities this assignment gives us. Yeah. This could be cool.” He knew it was too much to hope that Virginia fished.
“What possibilities?” Earl jammed his books into his tattered Bass Pro backpack.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about talking to Virginia, but didn’t know what to say.”
Earl hoisted a backpack strap over his shoulder “So?”
“Now we have an excuse.”
Earl pulled his wadded-up farmer’s handkerchief out of his bib overalls and blew his nose.
“Yuck. Did you ever think of washing that thing?” Ernie folded his notebook.
“It gets washed every time me ma washes my bibs ’cause I leave it right here in my pocket.”
“Are you for real? I think you’re getting dumber the older you get. Let’s go to the library and think about this new assignment.”
“Ernie, you’re the dumb one now. There ain’t no library in this here school. No siree.”
“Just ’cause we ain’t never been there, don’t mean there ain’t one.” Ernie grabbed Earl’s arm. “Come on. Let’s look.”
They walked down the hall and left the building looking for the library.
“Hey, Ernie, look they’re digging some big holes over there. Let’s go see if they dug up any worms.”
“We ain’t got time for that. We gotta find the library.”
Earl grabbed Ernie’s arm and spun him in the direction of the digging. “Look, now they’re hoisting up a big sign. What’s RATC?”
“Earl, does the name Radisson Area Technical College mean anything to you?”
“Yeah, it means we have less time for fishing.”
“You’re brainless; the letters RATC are an abbreviation for Radisson Area Technical College.”
After asking directions three times, Ernie and Earl entered the library and looked around. “Ernie, this place is big and sure has lots of books, don’t it?”
Ernie poked Earl’s shoulder. “Hey, dimwit, what’d you think they have in big libraries?’
“I don’t know. Maybe little libraries.”
Ernie took off his hat and threw it on the floor.
“Young man, I’m glad you took off your hat. I was just coming over to ask you to do that, but don’t leave it on the floor.”
Earl stared at her bobbing his head up and down. “Are you the police?”
“No. I’m the librarian.”
“Can you help us find a book that says how to find a spouse?” Earl opened his notebook to show her the assignment.
The librarian flushed.“Why.”
“’cause if we find a book we can do our assignment and then go fishing.”
“I’m sorry; we don’t have any such books.”
“Ernie, I knew it was waste of time coming here.”
“For once you’re right. Let’s go fishing.”